Nov

24

Conscious Aging

How would you like to awaken your inner sage?  I got an insightful clue last weekend by participating in a conscious aging workshop.  Don Adams, PhD, CSL and Stacy Grove, MDiv helped us in  “Awakening Our Own Inner Sage”.  To find balance and age well, we reflected on ways to nourish body, mind, emotions and spirit.  Together we pondered our mortality and took a look at life repair and the power of forgiveness. We began the process of harvesting our life wisdom and explored how to share our gifts across the ages.  Imagine our wisdom lasting like a Greek temple from 400 BCE or a centennial tree.  This workshop opened me up to a more expansive way of thinking about aging.

Create the path you want as you age.

aging tree

Sep

12

Untangling Tangles

I recently completed a 6 day Workshop-Retreat called Treasure Maps to the Soul where we untangled our tangles.  It was experiential learning, as we worked on our own inner struggles and learned to help others with their inner struggles.  This was an advanced Inner Relationship Focusing workshop.  I’ve been training in Focusing for years and this brought the process to a new level.  Focusing is a gentle way to be with our whole self getting a “felt sense” from our “self-in-presence”.   A tangle is a stuck place that feels repetitive and keeps us from moving forward.    The origin of the tangle may have been a trauma or “stoppage” of life energy in our early life.  Typically it has multiple parts that need to be recognized and cared for.  My tangled parts appreciate the time and attention I spent and continue to spend with them. In addition, I was privileged to be part of the process to help other people untangle their tangle and find more life forward energy.  This was all done in a loving community of people, with natural surroundings and good food.  We worked together to untangle our tangles and move forward with life energy.

Aug

24

On the Question of Race

I am touched by this poem of identity. We, each, are so much more than a box to check. As you read this, you may notice your own thoughts, sensations and emotions that arise.

On the Question of Race

By Alicia Chambers

They ask me to write down my race

And I think
And I think
Very seriously

And I consider
Writing down the truth
And have my answer read

I have a strong woman
Colored like coffee
Whispering the secrets of our past
Inside this body

I have a wise man
Dark as chocolate
Beating his drum, fighting for freedom
Inside this body

I have a brave woman
Pale as snow
Reminding that we are more
Than meets the eye
Her secret is safe
Inside this body

I have a lost man
Colored like me
He is weak
Stumbling from place to place
Trying to find his way home
Warning me of everything
I do not want to become

I have all this music inside this body
The rhythms guiding me
Salsa
Meringue
Swing
Songs of freedom and hope
A name that can’t begin to
communicate
Where I’ve been or where I plan to go
Inside this body

They ask me to write down my race

And I think
And I think
Very seriously

And I consider
Writing down the truth
And have my answer read

I have the heart of my great-
grandmother
The strength of mi abuelita
The spirit of my grandfather
And my mother’s understanding
Inside this body

I have jacks
Dr. Seuss
Lullaby and Good-night
And marbles
Inside this body

I have Ray Charles
James Taylor
Bob Marley
Sly and the Family Stone
And We Five
Inside this body

I have a brother whose appearance
Does not reveal his culture

I have all our past
And so much future
Inside this body

But I stop and simply write down
“Other”

———–

Society has constructed boxes to put us in, to categorize us in neat, standardized ways. Something in me pushes against that. I am unique. You are unique. And we don’t fit into neat standardized categories. I am inspired by this poem that wants to open and expand the boxes. Race is a social construct and perhaps it is time to open and expand how we relate to it. As this poem illustrates, heritage is important, where we come from, what is inside us is important. What would it be like to write our truth and have it read? Your truth is welcome here.

 

Jul

18

Nature’s Lessons in Healing Trauma

After studying animals natural reactions to trauma, Peter Levine developed Somatic Experiencing to heal trauma.

After completing the first 2 years of the 3 year Somatic Experiencing training, I’ve learned more about how we experience trauma and how to heal it.  I’ve incorporated this into my psychotherapy practice to help build resilience in my clients.  SE helps people to recover form chronic stress, illness and pain.  It helps people who have had developmental trauma, childhood abuse, neglect or distress.  I am pleased to have these additional skills.

Jul

04

Anger as Medicine

Anger is an essential, primal, mammalian emotion, whereas violence (when there’s no actual need to protect oneself or others), crime, and hate are the byproducts of internalized, repressed and misdirected anger.  Irene Lyon

Somewhere along the line anger got a bad rep.  Anger is an emotion.  Violence is a behavior.  Many of us have been conditioned to repress anger as something bad.  This conditioning often happened when we were very young.  Healthy expression of anger is health promoting.

Anger As Medicine: How to Cure Self-Sabotaging Behaviours

 

Jun

29

One Mindful Moment in Movement

“All that is important is this one moment in movement. Make the moment important, vital, and worth living. Do not let it slip away unnoticed and unused. ”  Martha Graham

Twilight egret dance

Just thinking about movement in its many forms… flow in my thoughts, flow in my body… and how much better I feel when there is movement.  Also, there is this one moment to live, be moving and mindful.    This is your moment.

Jan

04

Bringing Our Own Light into the World

sunlight on ocean
Even after all these years
the sun doesn’t say
“You owe me”.
Look what happens!
The whole world lights up.

(Hafiz)

NC Mountains

What can each of us do to light up the world?  At this time of year the days are getting longer and the sunshine enters our life more and more each day.  I don’t have the reach and power of the sun but I can effect my little corner.  As I contemplate bringing more of my own light into the world, I wonder about doing it in a graceful way that expects nothing in return.  I am making a commitment to myself and now publicly to smile more, to smile more to friends and loved ones, to look strangers in the eye and smile, strangers on the streets and trails, strangers in the store.  With those smiles, I want to say, “You matter”, You’re important”.  I want to say connections and relationships are important.  I want to say that kindness can come from unexpected places.  I want to believe that if my little corner is brighter that the light will spread like ripples in a pond, growing and spreading.  How much light is that when we each bring even more light into our little corner?  And then that light ripples out?

Please share your thoughts.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Martha Whitney, LMFT – Psychotherapist, Counselor & Life Coach in Chapel Hill, NC; near Durham, NC

Jul

25

Take Care of Yourself First

airplane in skyWe need self-care to have the physical and mental health to take care of others.  As parents, lovers, friends, relatives, our first impulse may be to take care of others first.  What happens if we ignore self-care?   The classic metaphor is from airline travel.  Supply yourself with oxygen first before helping others.

Take care of yourself first.  Here’s a graphic demonstration of Why you need to put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others.

Jul

14

Brain and Bicycle Bias

Perhaps you learned to ride a bicycle as a child and perhaps your brain thought you were done with that particular skill.  What if one small thing was changed and the handle bar and wheel connection was reversed?  Is your brain biased?  Can it change?  What does it take to change?  Knowledge that the bicycle was changed does not equal understanding of how to ride that changed bicycle.

A clever experiment in how the brain works: Learning to Ride a Bicycle or Backwards Bicycle

Notice that the brain can learn and the effort it takes.  We can learn new habits around how we live our lives, the good news.  When there is something we want to change, what is harder to accept, is that it takes effort and time.  Because of these habitual patterns, we have built in biases, ways in which we look at and live in the world.

Sometimes we want to change those patterns.   Our brain can build new circuits changing how we act, feel and think.

bicycle

Jun

21

Mindfulness Meditation Changes the Brain

We can change our brain.  After a weekend retreat in mindfulness meditation, participants brains changedleaf bud in structures that process stress and are related to focusing and calm.  This is good news.

For more info: Mindfulness Meditation Changes the Brain

 

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