Martha Whitney, LMFT - Martha Whitney, Relationship and Life Coach

Jul

20

Life Lessons from Velveteen Rabbit

Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams

“The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it.
“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

I am touched by this excerpt.

Jun

08

Inside you, there are flowers

A PLACE TO SIT
Don’t go outside your house to see flowers.
My friend, don’t bother with that excursion.
Inside your body there are flowers.
One flower has a thousand petals.
That will do for a place to sit.
Sitting there you will have a glimpse of beauty
inside the void and out of it,
before the gardens and after gardens

Kabir

We can mindfully be with ourselves for we have inner beauty. Mindfulness with our own body can be cultivated to appreciate and sit with our inner flowers.

May

30

Mindfulness Matters

Mindfulness trains our attention to develop more awareness, balance and connection to ourselves and others.

Katie Couric with Sharon Salzberg and Donna Rockwell:

Mindfulness matters and can be incorporated into our daily routine.

May

18

Letting Go of Self-Judgment

Self-Observation Without Judgment

Release the harsh and pointed inner
voice. It’s just a throwback to the past,
and holds no truth about this moment.

Let go of self-judgment, the old,
learned ways of beating yourself up
for each imagined inadequacy.

Allow the dialogue within the mind
to grow friendlier, and quiet. Shift
out of inner criticism and life
suddenly looks very different.

I can say this only because I make
the choice a hundred times a day to release the voice that refuses to
acknowledge the real me.

What’s needed here isn’t more prodding toward perfection, but
intimacy – seeing clearly, and
embracing what I see.

Love, not judgment, sows the
seeds of tranquility and change.

Danna Faulds
From “One Soul”

Apr

21

Grounding and Sensing, Pause to Relax

We so often don’t pause to sense, notice and ground in a mindful way. Here is a mini-exercise that promotes relaxation:

Stand if comfortable or stay seated; choose to be the most comfortable; noticing how you feel now, maybe closing your eyes or gazing softly at the floor, turning your attention inward
Gently, slowly shift weight from one foot to another, orienting to this position
Press gently through one leg, sensing connection to the floor and the ground, press as you breath in
Release and Exhale, letting go of tension
Gently press with other leg… sensing connection to the floor and the ground; noticing if this side feels different, just noticing
Release and Exhale, letting go of tension
Alternate legs slowly and easily
Press gently with both legs into the floor as you inhale
Exhale, letting go of tension
Experiment with increasing or decreasing pressure, changing when you inhale and exhale and any variation that feels good
Notice how you feel now; noticing any shift or change

Apr

20

Wild Geese

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting —
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

Mary Oliver

A lovely reminder.

Apr

10

For some of us, Public Speaking is Scary

How many of us feel threatened by speaking in front of others? Will it go as planned? Will I fail? Are they going to throw rotten tomatoes? If we feel threatened, we can go into fight, flee or freeze. These are normal, natural responses that we as humans inherit. Our body prepares us to fight the threat, run from it or become immobilized. These responses just happen naturally, we do not think about them or voluntarily initiate them. These responses may not be helpful in giving a speech.

“Heart racing, palms sweating, labored breathing? No, you’re not having a heart attack — it’s stage fright! If speaking in public makes you feel like you’re fighting for your life, you’re not alone. But the better you understand your body’s reaction, the more likely you are to overcome it. Mikael Cho advises how to trick your brain and steal the show” Science of Stage Fright

There are ways to consciously return our body’s response to threat to a more balanced state. This is after we have determined that speech giving is not likely to be life threatening. Mikael Cho mentions bringing our arms out in a stretch. We can make ourselves big and feel less threatened. We can take slow deep breaths. We can tell ourselves that our life is not threatened and sense a positive outcome. We can change our posture. And more. It is a matter of giving our body different messages that we are safe. And being grateful that our body knows how to respond in a life threatening emergency. And just maybe those tomatoes are locally grown, fresh and a gift of food.

Mar

27

Mindfulness and Somatic Experiencing

I spent 4 days training in Somatic Experiencing (SE) this past weekend. It is a method for resolving trauma symptoms and relieving chronic stress. This framework observes where a person is “stuck” in the fight, flight, freeze, or collapse responses and provide therapeutic tools to resolve these states. I appreciate the broad definition of trauma to include: accidents, surgery, chronic pain, chronic stress and assault. It is yet another way to apply mindfulness, mindfulness to your own internal state, what is going on in your body. SE is a process to assist the body to complete a natural process and return to equilibrium.

http://www.traumahealing.org/about-se.php

Feb

17

Mindful of Moment in Movement

“All that is important is this one moment in movement. Make the moment important, vital, and worth living. Do not let it slip away unnoticed and unused.” Martha Graham

We have this one moment to be mindful and to move. I’m thinking of all the ways I have movement in the moment, in my mind and in my body. And how much better I feel when I have movement.

Feb

12

Acceptance

“Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.”
Albert Einstein

Ahh, acceptance. Some things are easier to accept than others. Is the universe matter expanding into nothing? Is it OK to wear stripes with plaid? It does seem that as I accept the bigger things, the smaller ones come easier. What is your experience?

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